I’m 31 on March 12th. More than ever in my life, I understand who I am. What I need. Who I am not. I don’t have anything totally figured out. But I know more than I’ve ever understood of myself before.
Who I am is sensitive. I’m serious. I’m intense. I’m silly, too. I have dark places. I get depressive, anxious, untrusting. But I have a lot of light too. I’m not made for everyone. And that’s ok.
So, in honor of understanding more truth about ourselves, (which I think everyone should do by the way), here’s a list!
31 things I really want and crave in my closest relationships:
1. Take me seriously.
2. Critically & actively listen to what I tell you. Don’t just hear me; listen.
3. Be honest and open with me.
4. Trust me with your true self.
5. Don’t insult me or my intelligence.
6. Apologize as much as you demand to be forgiven. Forgive me too.
7. Laugh with me. Laugh at my jokes not at my expense, unless I’m laughing too and then just laugh with me at me! Just help me laugh more often.
8. Slow down for me.
9. Come around for me.
10. Don’t try to make me jealous of you or your other friendships.
11. Miss me when I’m gone.
12. Don’t shout or yell at me.
13. Respect my privacy. If you’re not sure, ask.
14. Protect me.
15. Appreciate my time.
16. Validate my experience and my feelings even if you don’t agree with me or if you need to challenge my view.
17. Never “let” me win. I don’t want off easy. Challenge me. Give me a chance to rise.
18. Be kind.
19. Consider ways you could be wrong or possible things you may have overlooked.
20. Correct me when I’m wrong & call me on it, just do it privately. Don’t let wrongs fester. Let me know what I need to improve.
21. Don’t be vengeful.
22. Learn the difference between being passive aggressive, aggressive, direct. Aim for direct.
23. Read up on introverts. Accept me as one.
24. Acknowledge my effort.
25. Consider my feelings.
26. Take a nap or tv day with me.
27. Try new things & have fun with me.
28. Ask me my thoughts. Then, don’t use them against me.
29. Show & tell love. Not just one or the other.
30. Don’t withhold. Unless it’s negativity for negativity’s sake.
31. Include me in your thought processes; think out loud to me; involve me in your decisions any time you can.
I think I’ll revisit this list next year, annually actually. Let’s see what age 31 brings around for a 32nd truth of who I am and what I need. How old are you? I dare you to list that many truths of what you want out of your closest relationships! Tag me somehow. I want to read yours!
The Five Writer 